解脱。Relief.

I haven't thought about some questions in a while. Questions I used to wonder and asked myself a lot when I was feeling very down.

Then came one day, when I had actually encountered something... A situation which, if it had happened 1 month ago, would have made me very upset. I surprised myself again. I actually didn't feel anything, other than feeling sorry for the particular person.

I often wondered how someone I have known would actually become such a great liar. That in the end, lying to me wasn't enough, and the person had to actually lie to mutual friends of ours and made up an excuse over the break up.

I feel sorry for friends who actually believed him when he said he quit the relationship because he wants to focus on his career. But a few days back he confessed to me that it wasn't because of that and that he can't tell me the real reason. I am not affected by his admission because I never had any expectations on him after the break up. To me, whatever he says after what happened no longer hold any importance to me.

So please don't worry about me. Because I am only getting stronger and better everyday. I just feel sorry that friends have to be lied to because of us.

I am relieved. Extremely relieved that I am so much stronger and that I have let go of such a huge part of me unknowingly and I feel so proud of myself that I no longer care about what he says now.

So please feel happy for me! :)

This girl will only get stronger. Hehehe.

파이팅!

One month

It has been one month since the last time I cried.

Since the last time I shed a tear over the pain and the grief.
For all this time, I have been fine. Very well, actually.

But today, I have this sudden urge to want to cry. It feels like as if there's still something inside me that I have not let out.

When will I really get over the change?

루나플라이. LUNAFLY.

After so many posts since I came back on blogger, this is probably the first time I mention LUNAFLY.

Since September 2012, I have been a fan of a new Korean band called LUNAFLY. Close friends who know me well will know why exactly I like the band.

Yes, guitars.
Acoustic guitars to be exact. :)

I have always have a soft spot for guitarists since I was young. It's probably because I have always liked how acoustic guitar sounds. It's like every song can be played on the guitar. I like how versatile and how different guitar sounds.

A fast track can have a totally different feel to it when played on the guitar. For example, Justin Bieber's Baby and Psy's Gangnam Style. Both sound so much better when the covers are done using acoustic guitars.

Back to LUNAFLY, I was introduced to them by a friend who knows I love bands. And I was immediately attracted by how different they sounded from the normal K-pop. They can sing, can compose, can play a wide range of musical instruments. And they are totally different from CNBLUE (another band I enjoy listening to).

And that was how the interest in them grew. Back then, LUNAFLY was almost unknown in Malaysia, and I wanted to have people to spazz about them with but it was always just Aisyah and I. So in the end, I decided to start a Fanbase for fun, and we called it MyLUNAFLY. And it officially started functioning in October 2012. Back then, we only had a Twitter account. Then we had Tumblr (it's an awesome tumblr page!! Thanks to Aisyah eonni who put in so much effort!) an FB pages. Our Fanbase grew bigger as we kept promoting the boys by providing tweet translations.

And one day, Aisyah decided to approach an event organiser about bringing LUNAFLY over... And it happened.

The thing we never believed would hve happened is actually happening. LUNAFLY is coming over to Malaysia an they actually know of our existence! Yunny has even tweeted about us twice!

This is something that I have always felt very proud of. Something that I have always felt that I can never give up. It was our brainchild and our love that started this.

I'm thankful that during these past few months when I was going through a rough time, my team have been running the site and twitter page so actively. They have done so much more. Liaising with event organisers, promoting the showcase and even doing fan projects. I feel blessed. Really really blessed to have such wonderful people in my life.

So here, I'd like to thank them. Sya eonni, Norlee eonni, Fatihah, Sera, Safi, Sam and our new member, Natalie. I hope MyLUNAFLY achieves so much more in the future!!

LUNAFLY FIGHTING!!
MYLUNAFLY FIGHTING TOO!!

네 잘못이. 不是你的错。

If you ever come across my blog, be it now, or in the future, I'd like you to listen to this song.
In return to you telling me to listen to Lee Hom's 你不知道的事，I'll reply you with this song.




But of course, I am not as emotional nor hurt anymore.

I just want you to know these few lines in the song.


别说你难过别再安慰我
最烂的理由是你配不上我
我没有你想像中脆弱我会好好的
没有什么罪不可赦

我的世界没有你也许更辽阔

I am living very well now. *smile*

Misunderstanding

The world is always full of misunderstanding.

Little words that could mean nothing to one person, could mean the world to another.
Certain actions that could mean the world to some people, could mean nothing to someone else.

How do you stop people from misjudging your actions and words?
How do you approach someone, and try to clear the air, without having to feel like a fool or unimportant?
Or do you wait for a long while, for time to clear everything for you?

I don't know.

All I know is, standing alone in the midst of confusion is...

Confusing.

I don't like the anonymity. It makes things feel out of place somehow.

Trap

For a little while, I fell into my own trap. But I see it all clearly now. The traps that I have built while I was not paying attention.

I'm glad I now know which direction to take.

＂是你的，就会是你的。＂

그는 온다면...如果他来了……

发现二十六岁的我，对失恋，分手和感情的看法不一样了。
以前分手时，都能开开心心的，说　“我还有很多时间！　不好不就分手咯。”

但这一段感情，真的把我对　“谈恋爱”　这三个字的看法改变了……
我不知道我是否有没有可能再去喜欢另一个人。喜欢了，也不确定自己是否能够完全的相信他。

信任，好像突然变得好陌生。

因为受的伤不轻。
因为付出的不少。
因为曾经拥有的不只是心痛。
因为经过了许多风吹雨打。
因为太相信。

我希望我还会有勇气去相信自己的幸福，　去相信在不遥远的未来里，会有那么一个人，能把我已经化为石头的心，用耐心和爱心慢慢的溶化和打动。

我不求很多，我不求一个有钱，有样貌的人。
我只要一个会支持我，会为我打气，会一辈子牵着我手的人。
如果他来了，我希望我会看得到他。我希望我不会错过他。

就希望，这个好男人，还存在。也希望我的心，不会一天比一天更硬。

Birthday Weekend

So, the dreaded 10 March came and passed by and it was anything but dreadful!

I had a lot of fun, meeting up with old, old friends, catching up on good old times back in college where we would "bully" our friend... How the forever mischievous Cheng pulled down Jeff's pants in lecture hall. (Thank you Amelia for bringing that moment back to my mind. LOL.) Not to forget the gathering with the rest of the good people who made my birthday beautiful.

Thank you to all of you! To everyone who wished me well, gave me strength, shared encouraging posts and quotes, I really appreciate all the things you have done for me. Really thank you!

Lots of pictures ahead!

최종적으로... 最后……

Finally...

Something positive in my blog.

I've decided to try to blog less on the sad things and focus on the happier things in my life. After all, aren't happy moments worth remembering more than the sad ones?

My 26th birthday is coming in another two days. Honestly, when 2013 started, I really dread the day I will be 26. And when the break up happened, I felt even worse and as if there was nothing to look forward to.

But you know, when life gives you hell, and closes the door on you, it opens another door for you.
Life took my relationship away from me, but gave me a bunch of friends, really good friends, who made me learn to appreciate the good things about 10 March again.

On Monday, 4 March, I was duped into going for what I thought was a casual lunch outing with my colleagues at Hotodogu. Ordered food, chatted with them, had fun laughing... When I suddenly noticed THE CAKE that was so obviously made by our resident lenglui baker, Miss Kwanyi!

The awesome Red Velvet cake!

It was then it hit me, "ahhh! No wonder nobody wanted to go back to the office yet. No wonder Doris is here today! No wonder the guys weren't at the mamak as what Wai Fong had told me earlier!"

Yes, these really good friends, shyly sang me a birthday song (it wasn't a complete song, I demand a complete one!!!), made a cute "banner" for my cake with the lovely heart shaped candle, and made me laugh. Kwanyi actually baked the Red Velvet cake for my birthday. <3 Thank you, lenglui! It tasted awesome!

One of the most memorable birthday celebrations ever.

Then on Tuesday night, Sheila, my house mate of two years, gave me a birthday gift. She got me a good book. I think it really suits me since I'm a dog lover and I'm in need of inspiring stories! LOL.
Thank you, Sheila for the really thoughtful gift!

Gift from Sheila

And today, when I entered office, I saw a teddy sitting on my chair, waiting for me. It was "holding" a letter in its arms. Turns out it's an early birthday gift from my beloved team mates. The poem on the letter was really beautiful.


Here's what's written on the letter:

Wishing you happiness
To welcome each morning
Wishing you laughter
To make your heart sing
Wishing you friendship
Sharing and caring
And all of the joy
The birthday can bring.
Happy Birthday!!

My new friend, Legal Bear

I really felt very touched by all these little actions by the people around me who care for me.
Suddenly, I am not so afraid of 10 March any longer. And suddenly, I feel that my 26th birthday is going to be  the most awesome birthday ever.

I think all the positivity I had built inside me over time since the break up is good. I feel so much less emotional now and am able to look forward to a more beautiful and peaceful life.

I am really blessed. Blessed to have friends and family who truly love and support me.

Life goes on... Without you.

Today, I walked the path that we used to walk on hand-in-hand.

When I entered the place, I was afraid. Very afraid that all those memories would come rushing back to me, and that I would shed a tear or two. And so I told myself, "You will be fine. You will walk out of here fine."

Once I stepped my foot in, I set out to look for the meatballs and fruit juice we once used to share when we came. As I walked on, with my friends beside me, I saw other food that I like. I bought some, walked on, bought more and walked on. All the while, I was looking out for that two favourite stalls of ours from time to time.

And before I knew it, I was already at the end of the night market. And I didn't find the two stalls that we so loved.

It was then that I realized...

Life goes on.
People change.
What used to matter a lot, might not matter anymore.

This conscious mind of mine might have wanted to deliberately look for the stalls, but the truth is, while walking along the street, I found other food I enjoyed & items that attracted me. And that the food we used to share, didn't seem to hold any meaning for me now. I somehow unconsciously pushed them to the least important part of my priority list today.

Just like what Jo said, I felt that some things might have looked beautiful to me once a long time ago. But then again, I might have moved on so far from it that I don't even know that such things don't make me upset or regretful anymore.

Today, I walked out of the place, not traumatized.... But liberated.

Are You With The Right Partner?

Read this article before the break up. Showed it to him, but I doubt he read it. Because if he had, and if he had tried to understand it, we wouldn't be where we are today. Saw it again today, and decided to share it on my blog.

All I can say is, that some people will really see the "breakdown" period of a relationship as an invitation to let go and end it all, because in their mind, they think "No, if we continue, it will end up going no where. We will end up in divorce."

What I'm trying to say is, it all boils down to whether or not, a person wants you. If he or she sincerely wanted to stay on, nothing can make him or her leave you.

ARE YOU WITH THE RIGHT PARTNER..???
During a seminar, a woman asked, "How do I know if I am with the right person?"
The author then noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so he said, "It depends. Is that your partner?" In all seriousness, she answered, "How do you know?"
"Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind," replied the author.
Here's the answer.
Every relationship has a cycle… In the beginning; you fall in love with your partner. You anticipate their calls, want their touch, and like their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love.
People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet."Picture the expression.It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something happened TO YOU.
Falling in love is a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few months or years of being together, the euphoria of love fades. It's a natural cycle of EVERY relationship.
Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship; you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.
At this point, you and/or your partner might start asking, "Am I with the right person?" And as you reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when relationships breakdown. (Op: I guess this was what happened to my relationship with him. He started saying I annoyed him, he refused my hugs, and found the things I like stupid and immature.)
The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person; it's learning to love the person you found.
People blame their partners for their unhappiness and look outside for fulfillment. Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes.
Infidelity is the most common. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your relationship. It lies within it.
I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later.
Because (listen carefully to this):
The key to succeeding in a Relationship is not finding the right person; it's learning to love the Person you found.
SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. You have to work on it day in and day out. It takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it demands WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make it work. Make no mistake about it.
Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your partner), Just as there are physical laws Of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. If you know how to apply these laws, the results are predictable.
Love is therefore a "decision". Not just a feeling.

I believe it takes both to make a relationship work.
Because only the right person will be willing to learn how to love you and sustain the relationship with you, rather than seeking for more options outside of the relationship just because he or she has grown tired and weary of the situations.

A right person, will never give up on you, no matter how tough the road gets.

Closure.

I never had an answer.
Since the day you first said you didn't want me anymore, I didn't know exactly why or what made you so certain that your life will be better without me.

Then as if a prayer had been answered, I received the answer I had been seeking for, though not from you directly.

Things have become much easier to swallow, much easier to digest as well.
Yes, it still hurts. How can it not? We had been together for 1400 plus days.
To have that all taken away from me, in a wink of an eye, is not easy to handle.

But slowly and steadily, I am moving on...

And I can finally close this chapter of my life.

Our chapter was beautiful when it started, filled with trials and tribulations in the middle, and slowly, like all stories, and all chapters, there is an ending. I wished for it to have ended on a more beautiful note, but then, if it had ended so beautifully, perhaps the next chapter will not be entertaining and lovely anymore.

Now, my story is unwritten. I am facing a blank book, starting all over again. Holding a pen in my hand, I'm going to write beautiful stories.

Thank you for 4 years of ups and downs, for the good memories we had, and for letting me see how I really deserve a much better person in my life.

I don't hate you. I don't blame you. I hope you live well.